“How are you?” 

This is probably one of the most common questions we ask and answer every day. But how often do we really mean it? How often do we really listen to the answer? How often do we really express how we feel?

The answer? 99.9% of the time: 

“I’m good. How are you?”

To which, the response is almost always, “I’m good.” 

If you’re tired of the same old “how are you” routine, here are seven better ways to say it and why they are better. These alternatives can help you start more meaningful conversations, show more interest and empathy, and connect more deeply with others. We are all about deep at Deep Eddy!

Seven Better Ways to Ask “How Are You?”

Tell me what’s good. 

This is a positive and upbeat way to ask how someone is doing. It invites them to share something good that happened to them recently, something they are grateful for, or something they are looking forward to. It also shows that you care about their happiness and well-being.

How are you holding up? 

This is a compassionate and supportive way to ask how someone is doing, especially if they are going through a tough time. It acknowledges that they may be facing some challenges or difficulties, and it offers them a chance to vent or ask for help. It also shows that you are there for them and that you want to help them cope.

It’s great to hear your voice. 

This is a warm and friendly way to greet someone on the phone or through a voice message. It expresses that you are happy to hear from them and that you enjoy talking to them. It also shows that you value their presence and their communication.

What’s sizzling? 

This is a fun and playful way to ask how someone is doing. It implies that they are doing something exciting, interesting, or adventurous. It also shows that you are curious about their life and that you want to hear their stories.

What’s the latest in your world? 

This is a casual and conversational way to ask how someone is doing. It covers both their personal and professional life, and it allows them to choose what they want to share with you. It also shows that you are interested in their updates and that you want to stay in touch.

What’s on your mind? 

This is a deep and thoughtful way to ask how someone is doing. It encourages them to share their thoughts, feelings, opinions, or ideas with you. It also shows that you respect their perspective and that you want to understand them better.

It’s good to see you. 

This is a simple and sincere way to greet someone in person or through a video call. It conveys that you are glad to see them and that you appreciate their time and attention. It also shows that you value their relationship and that you want to spend time with them

These are just some of the better ways to say “how are you” and why they are better. Try using them the next time you want to start a conversation with someone and see how they respond. You might be surprised by how much more meaningful and engaging your interactions become.

Why do people always say “I’m good” when asked how they are doing? 

Why do we often resort to the same old “how are you” question when we talk to someone? Why do we settle for the usual “fine” or “good” answer when we reply? Why do we miss the opportunity to have more meaningful and authentic conversations with others?

One possible reason is that we are following a social script, a set of expected and accepted behaviors that guide our interactions with others. Social scripts help us navigate different situations and contexts, and they reduce the uncertainty and ambiguity that may arise in communication. They also save us time and energy, as we don’t have to think too much about what to say or how to say it.

However, social scripts also have some drawbacks.

The Downsides of “How Are You” and “I’m Good” Conversations 

Scripts can make our conversations boring at best. They limit our creativity, spontaneity, and expression. They keep us from getting to know others better, sharing our true feelings and thoughts, and building deeper connections.

So how can we break free from the script and have more meaningful conversations?

Breaking Free From the Script

One way is to use some of the better alternatives that we discussed earlier. These alternatives can help us start more engaging and rewarding conversations, as they invite others to share more about themselves, their experiences, their emotions, and their opinions. They can also help us show more care, support, appreciation, and respect for others.

Another way is to listen actively and attentively to what others are saying. Listening is not just hearing the words, but also understanding the meaning, the intention, and the emotion behind them. Listening is not just waiting for our turn to speak, but also giving feedback, asking questions, and expressing agreement or disagreement. Listening is not just a passive act, but also an active one.

By listening actively and attentively, we can show others that we are genuinely interested in them and that we value their communication. We can also learn more about them and their perspectives, and we can discover new things and ideas. We can also create a space for mutual understanding and trust, which can lead to stronger relationships.

How to Go Deeper with Others

If you want to learn how to go deeper with others, whether in casual conversation or meaningful relationships, you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself. At Deep Eddy, our therapists are here to help you get in touch with yourself and understand the world in more complex ways. Consider working with an individual therapist while attending one of our process-oriented group therapy groups. Group can act as a sandbox for you to gain clarity about yourself and others in ways that individual therapy may not.

Ready to get started?