How Is Self-Compassion or Self-Love Different from Self-Esteem?

Article by: Brianna Reineke, LPC, LCDC

June 29, 2016

This August, we celebrate National Wellness Month!

National Wellness Month is an opportunity for all of us to establish healthy habits, such as stress management and remaining present – both for ourselves and others. Establishing practices for self-care and wellbeing is essential to enhancing our quality of life, both as individuals and members of our community. Focusing on topics such as nutrition, sleep patterns, and exercise could all enhance your well-being. The benefits of self-care patterns and wellness often result from a range of simpler changes, as it takes 21 days to create a habit. It is important for you to feel comfortable with the change you create for yourself as well!

Events related to the COVID-19 pandemic of the last two years may make establishing self-care habits overwhelming or even make them feel like daunting tasks. Reframing these habits to fit your needs can help them to feel less challenging. For example, If you want to set a goal to “drink more water,” but struggle to drink water or do not like the taste, you might consider changing the goal to, “stay well hydrated.” This also might allow you more room to drink fruit juices, or some sports drinks if those appeal more to your tastebuds.

Tori Olds, a therapist at Deep Eddy Psychotherapy in Austin, TX, talks about self-esteem versus self-compassion or self-love.

Self-esteem is judgment based

Here I am drawing on the work of Kristin Neff, Ph.D. She explores how self-esteem is judgment based. It’s liking myself because of X, Y and Z. That’s a more superficial level.

Self-compassion is about kindness and care

Self-compassion is more about kindness and care, because every human being deserves that kind of thing, not because I earned it, but just because I’m a person and life is hard. It’s about finding the empathy for that, just wanting to love and care for ourselves like we would for a friend.

It’s really amazing what we say to ourselves. If a friend said that same thing to us, or we were thinking of saying it to a friend, we would never say these things to our friend.

It’s Morality 101, yet we think it’s ok to do it for ourselves. I’ve tried to help people say, “Hey, we deserve to be treated well, everybody does, with respect and dignity.”

Self Esteem vs Self Love

The Difference Between Resume Virtues & Eulogy Virtues

There’s something in our culture where we solely push self-esteem. I was hearing it put by David Brooks in a lecture from him last night, and he was talking about the difference between resume virtues and eulogy virtues—what are the things that are us on paper?

Our culture is pretty much what we present so that we can feel good about those things and that’s self-esteem. What about just who we are, though? What about the innate human being inside of us that feels and dreams and has vulnerabilities and pains and struggles? Can we care about that part?

Self-compassion is caring more about that part of us, or all of it actually. Self-esteem is a little bit more shallowly focused. It’s nice to have it, but it’s also very important to have self-compassion.

Starting Therapy in Austin, TX

We would love to invite you to make a complimentary call to discuss some of your options and determine whether Deep Eddy Psychotherapy in Austin, TX is the right fit for you and your situation. Please contact us using the links below or in the sidebar and share this post or video if you found it to be valuable. Together we can create a world of well-being and joy.

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