Why Do I Feel so Exhausted? Who Am I?

Charlotte Howard, a therapist at Deep Eddy Psychotherapy in Austin, TX, talks about why so many people feel exhausted and how to find and honor your authentic self.


I just feel exhausted in my life and I don’t know why. How can therapy help me assess why I just feel so “Ugh!”?

Feeling really exhausted with life, which so many of my clients describe, usually has to do with some way that the authentic self is shut down. We feel invigorated by being able to express who we are in the world and being accurately seen by others.

Repressing Feelings Uses Up a Lot of Energy

It is really saddening and depressing to keep ourselves locked up and we ultimately just feel really exhausted and we don’t want to do it. Repressing feelings uses up a lot of energy and it’s just so tiring that we want to give up sometimes.

We can actually make space to feel and free up tons of energy.  It’s like a dam and all your feelings are behind it—it might feel that you’ll get flooded if you open the flood gate, and you might, but if you have someone there to care for it with you, and help you titrate the feelings, then the feelings flow and after you can take a deep breath. Then, wow! It all washes passed and there’s a clean slate and you’re no longer spending 80% of your energy just keeping up that flood gate up.

What is the authentic self?

Being your real self has to do with letting down defenses and your act. A lot of people put on a mask and they try to act in a way that they think is either going to go well with whoever they’re with, or keep them safe. But neither of those are actually truly who they want to be or what’s in their deeper heart.

Finding Out Who You Are through Therapy in Austin, TX

Many of my clients say they don’t really know who they are, and that does make it difficult to be their real selves. However, through a process of opening up to the possibilities, where we’re saying, “Let’s find out. Let’s go on a rescue mission! What’s in there? I feel a little bit of this sensation or feeling. Okay, let’s open it up. What kind of voices, feelings, and thoughts are inside when we really explore and look?”

Listening to Your Heart

The more you listen to your heart, the more it starts to speak louder and more often. It doesn’t like to talk to you if you’re not going to pay attention. The more you start to explore it, even if it’s a subtle voice at first, the more you learn about yourself and it gets stronger and stronger, especially if you are in a therapeutic relationship where someone can reflect it back to you. When someone is hearing and reflecting back accurately, then the heart gets really excited about that. It’s as though it says, “I’m seen, that feels right, and that’s true about me,” and then it gets happy, starts to come out, and frees you to be more expressive.

If I’m not sure how to be my authentic self, what would the practice of therapy look like? How would we uncover who I really am?

It really has to do with listening. So deep down, we are our authentic self, there’s nothing you have to do except uncover and start to listen to what that voice inside of you is saying. Finding your authentic self is about opening, taking down defenses, paying attention, and directing yourself inward, because your real self is not out there, it’s inside you.

You start creating a relationship with yourself by listening and valuing what’s coming from your deeper self and bring it out into the world. As you bring forth more expressiveness, openness, curiosity, and sincerity, you can absolutely know your real self.

Starting Therapy in Austin, TX

We would love to invite you to make a complimentary call to discuss some of your options and determine whether Deep Eddy Psychotherapy in Austin, TX is the right fit for you and your situation. Please contact us using the links below or in the sidebar and share this post or video if you found it to be valuable. Together we can create a world of well-being and joy.

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