What Does Couples Therapy Really Look Like? | Austin, Tx

Article by: Brianna Reineke, LPC, LCDC

June 29, 2016

This August, we celebrate National Wellness Month!

National Wellness Month is an opportunity for all of us to establish healthy habits, such as stress management and remaining present – both for ourselves and others. Establishing practices for self-care and wellbeing is essential to enhancing our quality of life, both as individuals and members of our community. Focusing on topics such as nutrition, sleep patterns, and exercise could all enhance your well-being. The benefits of self-care patterns and wellness often result from a range of simpler changes, as it takes 21 days to create a habit. It is important for you to feel comfortable with the change you create for yourself as well!

Events related to the COVID-19 pandemic of the last two years may make establishing self-care habits overwhelming or even make them feel like daunting tasks. Reframing these habits to fit your needs can help them to feel less challenging. For example, If you want to set a goal to “drink more water,” but struggle to drink water or do not like the taste, you might consider changing the goal to, “stay well hydrated.” This also might allow you more room to drink fruit juices, or some sports drinks if those appeal more to your tastebuds.

Tori Olds, a therapist at Deep Eddy Psychotherapy in Austin, TX, talks about couples therapy and how it is more about learning the way each other’s nervous systems work, rather than any kind of blame game.

Couples Therapy is Not a Blame Game

Couples work and relationships is not a blame game. I really believe this to my core. It’s not about blame or fault. It’s not about faults. We do what are brains are wired to do, we don’t know what we are doing. It’s not conscious, it’s not to hurt anybody. It’s just what we got into the habit or pattern of because it’s what we had to do with our parents.

There’s Never a Bad Guy or a Good Guy

As a couple’s therapist, it is really important for us to hold that space and remind people of that. Even if we’re looking at crappy things we’re doing or unhelpful things, we’re not doing it to shame the person. We aren’t looking to make someone out as the bad guy or the good guy. There’s nothing like that in couples therapy.

Couples Therapy - Austin, TX

Couples Therapy is About Approaching Your Relationship with Curiosity

It’s more about approaching everything with curiosity and seeing what happens in the system of the couple that’s unique, that’s never happened before. It’s you and them, it’s your issues coming together and then seeing how they blend. In couples therapy, we really want to understand how that happens and how we can have it happen better. But there’s never a bad guy and a good guy. I’ve never seen that.

Everyone always has something that they are bringing to a situation. Often, when we really delve into it, it’s way different than the story that a person has about it. For instance, someone might say, “They are so distant and I just want closeness,” but then when they really start to get close to the partner they begin to say, “Oh god, now I’m feeling uncomfortable.”

Couples are Often More Similar to Each Other Than They Think

We are really more similar to each other and often couples are more similar to each other than they realized. So, in therapy, we don’t buy the story that they come in with and there’s never any taking sides. It’s actually not about that at all. It’s really about looking at how they deal with each other’s nervous systems and whether it’s effective or not. And if it’s not, we’ll work with it.

Starting Couples Therapy in Austin, TX

We would love to invite you to make a complimentary call to discuss some of your options and determine whether Deep Eddy Psychotherapy in Austin, TX is the right fit for you and your situation. Please contact us using the links below or in the sidebar and share this post or video if you found it to be valuable. Together we can create a world of well-being and joy.

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