The Rules of Relationship – An Interview with Dr. Stan Tatkin

August 3, 2021

Dr. Stan Tatkin is the founder of PACT and the author of Wired for Love. He is an expert on couples therapy and has had a profound impact on the way that couples therapists are trained to consider and integrate neurobiology, attachment theory and secure functioning practices into our work with couples.

In this interview, Dr. Tatkin describes how the biological wiring that has enabled our species to survive can come into conflict with the maintenance of a healthy committed relationship. Even the most secure functioning couples can find themselves engaging in behaviors that can be destructive to the health of their relationship. For this reason, Dr. Tatkin argues that relationships, like societies, cannot just rely on love, they require shared principles and agreed upon rules and values. These mutually agreed upon “principles of governance” help us to override our automated and reflexive survival responses so we can sustain a relationship that supports the growth of this two person system.

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